Gina Rinehart has made an offer that couldn't be refused for the GOD Particle - rumoured to be several billion dollars - and upon delivery has immediately injected it. The GOD acronym has now been given several possible meanings by Cheyenne - “Gina Of Death”, “Gina Owns Daworld”, “Gina Our Digger” and “Governess Of Doom”. Please send your feedback if one tickles your fanny (sic).

One of the joys in the Autumn family household is the fact that, as part of our Saints membership, we get the Age delivered for free. Gina thinks that, even though the once erstwhile Michelle Grattan has turned viciously against Julia and Labour, The Age is still too left wing for her liking, so she's determined to swallow Fairfax and have her way with the board and thus make the Age a virtual Mining Company/Liberal Party Gazette. And, save for some feeble tut-tutting from the Thinking Class, nobody has the guts to stand up to her and Abbott.

It's not just her political views that Cheyenne abhors. Several 'minor' aspects of her behaviour make me ill at ease. As a topical example, please conjure up what she looks like on the news every night, and notice that she's always wearing a lanyard around her neck. If I owned every building and organisation whose functions I appear at, I'd be ditching the ugly lanyard at the earliest opportunity. The humble Cheyenne is not and will never be a follower, so why does this richest of women bosses put up with this belittling sign of aquiescence? Harden up! Cheyenne becomes violently ill at the thought of wearing anything with any writing on it whatsoever - and that includes Sainter memorabilia. Obviously, from her earliest days of wearing her first METALLICA t-shirt, Gina was destined to be the Lordess of Lanyards.

Meanwhile, as Gina rapes and devours the crust of OUR Earth, her soulmate Abbott gives thanks for his daily bread - provided by his Saviour Gina: Owner of the GOD Particle.

In response to the latest outpourings of grief (thanks to “Four Corners”) from tragic recipients of priest sexual abuse, I can just hear Abbott reverting to song, and, via Youtube, singing “I'll put a Pell on you, 'cos your mine . . .” Gina, of course will love this - because it's got the word 'mine' in it.

After succeeding in buying Fairfax by poisoning the Board, Gina will then turn her attention to the last remaining advocate of media fair play - “Four Corners”. She will buy, then take over and privatise the ABC, knife 'Four Corners', and turn it into a new reality cooking show - 'FORK OWNERS'. The winner will receive THE GOLDEN FORK, and get to plunge it into a trussed, but still breathing, Bob Brown - or, if he's already been dumped (by Cap'n Alan Jones and his boson Angry Anderson) to the bottom of Fremantle Harbour, then Tim Flannery will do.

All this done with the 'FORK OWNERS' theme song blaring, sung by Angry, of course - 'Bad Boy For Grub'.

Please, GOD Particle, save us before it's too late . . .

Cheyenne Autumn