Cheyenne has been struck dumb for 3 weeks - since he realised that ‘Big Brother’ was back. I was under the impression that Mankind was evolving intellectually. OK, I realise it’s a slow process, but why put society through ‘Big Brother’ again?

How many players, after experiencing the horror of dropping into the hole in front of Plugger (think Peter Caven), and being smashed and mutilated . . . how many did it a second time? None. Because even Kenny Hunter wouldn’t be that stupid.

But here is Mankind, doing something so masochistically similar a second time - reprising ‘Big Brother’. Actually, ‘reprising’ is too artistic a word to be in the same sentence as ‘Big Brother’. ‘Rehashing’ is better.

If we must have ‘BB’, let’s get serious and bring in a footy theme. A young AFL star gets to fill the hole in front of his rampaging Big Brother. The Big Brother that has no neck, no teeth, and plays for Port Colts or Dingley. Imagine a young Kevin Abblett being smashed by Big Brother Garry (senior). Or, topically, Joel Selwood being cleaned up by Adam. And poor mum sobbing on the sidelines. TV Gold.

Wouldn’t have happened in the old days, though. Back then brothers always played together. The Pascoes, Twomeys, Krakouers, Matthews, Richardsons, Shaws. That’s gone now, along with the torpedo, the dropkick, the stabkick, 20 spekkies a game and ‘hitting the boundary!’ But we don’t miss any of that, do we? Nah!

But we obviously miss ‘Big Brother’, so it’s back. Mankind aint gettin’ any smarter . . .

Cheyenne Autumn